Sometimes it feels like it will never end. The days are long and the weeks seem to never end. I feel like I have been here longer than three months and I am overwhelmed with everything I have learned so far. It's amazing how much can be learned in 14 weeks and even more amazing what can be forgotten. I think the hardest part for me has been living in constant fear of failure. I know I will be successful but the pressure of "what if I do fail?" haunts me daily. If I fail a test or a scenario I only have one more shot and if I don't pass I pack my bags. It would be awful to fail after coming so far.
When I applied for the job I was not in it for the badge. I was in it to work on the beach and to help others. I have realized that there's a lot of honor in having a badge. The star is beginning to become more and more appealing. A badged officer of California was not what I ever had in mind for myself. The more I learn and the officers I meet just fuels the flame within. It's amazing what type of opportunities are out there in law enforcement and it all sounds so fun. If I ever get tired of working on the beach (doubtful, but possible) I could get involved in CSI, FBI, ABC, Fish & Game or work as an officer in some other city. Options are endless.
Most fulfilling in the past 3 months is the new friends I have. Forty new friends that I will probable know for the rest of my life. We are all in this together, one big family pulling it together just to get through a week. A lot of the cadets here are married and have children. I don't know how they do it. I have no ties and it is still hard for me. The support of each other is what gets us all through the long weeks. It is so easy to become self consumed here. I see some of the cadets get stuck in that state of mind. I find myself doing the same when times are tuff and stressful. I quickly force myself to change my attitude and try to help and encourage someone else. I find helping someone gets me out of the "poor me" attitude.
The best part of the academy so far is the fire range! I go back to the range next week. It is so much fun to shoot that good ol' shotgun!
It's been a fun and challenging 14 weeks. Only 14 more to go. I can't wait to be free of this long and tedious adventure. At the end I will be working 4 ten hour days, have vacation time and get paid to watch sunsets. What a nice reward.
1 comment:
Hi Elisabeth, I enjoy reading your blog. You can really put words down that have lots of meaning. We are all so proud of you and know you will get this behind you and go on to a bigger good paying job. Take care and enjoy what you are doing. Love You, Grandma E.
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